As you walk into the
room you find is something like cave drawings all over the wall up to about
four feet. In front of the depictions of
primitive life on the planet is a three year old and a box of crayons. Something is about to snap. There has been a session or two already with
this child about marking on the walls in the past months.
"Why did you do
that?" You ask exasperated. "I
told you…"
The child looks down
at the floor and says quietly, "I don't know."
Fifteen years later,
you are driving him home from the police station. "Why did you drink and drive? Your car is totaled, you have to get a lawyer
and have fines to pay that you cannot afford.
Why, Why, Why."
He looks down at the
floor board and says quietly, "I don't know."
There comes a time
when forethought shapes action before reaction has too.
One thing about
consistency is we wonder why we did or even do some things again and
again. Thus consistency isn't so good if
we do bad things over and over. Belief
in our self is good, but it takes a bit of time to get to whatever that belief
is. There was a time I held myself
second to no one. I always felt that I
could do what any other man had done be that physical or mental or both. Fears and insecurities never has knowingly
played a role in the shaping of my life.
But that said, now my mental facilities have diminished mostly in
memory, and my six-pack has turned to a keg; I don't hold to such a notion as
equality any longer. I embrace reality.
My challenging of my
beliefs came way later in life. I have
found in hindsight that in many ways I was mentally better off with my ridged
views of life. I doubted nothing and certainly
didn't challenge what I thought was right.
Tunnel vision and a lack of world perspective that generally comes from
education and a desire to be informed left my personality pretty stunted. I hope it isn't that way now.
I think everyone has
some fear and insecurity. It's
innate. There are volumes written on the
topics. Basically in my Cliff Notes take
on it is I think on a personal level it has to do with what you think of
yourself and what you want to project as to the kind of person you want others
to think you are.
In the realm of
ultimate happiness, it is nearly unattainable.
There are brambles and stones along the way and I think the only measure
of ultimate happiness is to die in that state.
There is always something somewhere we are unhappy about even though we
could be happy with our self at the same time.
Unhappiness can be a motivator. I
was unhappy over some events due to my lack of education and because I didn't
want to experience anything like that again, I went back to school and got
educated.
Some people look at
life as one test after another. If so,
then being faithful to one self is important to pass those tests but not
entirely necessary. The arsonist just
caught after setting a string of fires in Seattle area over the past several
months must have believed his test was to keep it up without getting
caught. The young lady in Sandy Hook
that took a bullet because she confessed to being a Christian certainly had
faith the Lord would receive her with open arms. That was her last test. Generally we think of tests as adverse. They aren't really. Test take a measure of us and gives us
feedback on how we are doing so we can learn from them and take steps to pass
the next similar test better.
I'm not big on
generalities. When a person talks about
their true path what is that? Some
people are inspired to follow a specific noble path to notoriety and those that
particularly tread the path that lessens the suffering of others is
lauded. Most of us are not like
that. Sister Teresa took such a path and
never ask for the notoriety. It just
came. I don't think she died happy,
there were still many that needed her and others like her. A soldier that returns maimed from a conflict
and is awarded the Medal of Honor didn't think when he or she choose that path
that was going to happen. We recognize
their sacrifice on our behalf and the behalf of others. They don't ask for it.
Disintegration of
self comes from the manner in which we follow whatever path we get on. The path isn't so important as to how we
tread it. Over the years I have met,
worked with and dealt with many people that didn't wear the right shoes for the
path they were on. We called them
misfits. Many were able to change to a
path that fit them and many others languished truly disintegrating physically
and mentally. Why is that? I think it goes to self-worth. For instance, in the Navy there are jobs that
require an advanced level of intelligence to work in. The Navy takes these young people trains them
for months to years to perfect the work and sends them to a ship. On the ship they are assigned tasks like
compartment cleaner, mess cook, damage control petty officer, boat pocket
painter, tiger team member and host of
other things. In the end, they don't do
the job the Navy spent hundreds of thousands of dollars training them on for
anywhere from six months to a year and a half.
The irony isn't lost on them.
Many of these people get in to trouble, act out because their heightened
sense of intelligence tells them that it makes no sense. They have not yet matured enough to handle
the oxymoron.
In time it is good
to grow into the strong mighty oak, glad of our place, confident and at peace
with ourselves. We will be pleased with
what we've accomplished and resolved with our failures. Early in life I think it better to be a
sapling that can be easily transplanted to an environment that is more suited
to us, where the soil is more nourishing and accommodating to roots that strive
to sink deep. If you've had a few times
when asked why you did what you did you will have a better response than
"I don't know."
Finally, being an
example is important. There are people
that are mentors. They are the example
we strive to emulate. We hang on their
every word and deed. These people don't
always set out to be mentors and don't even think of themselves as such. Yet, by the way they conduct themselves, the
things they say, their views and attitudes made mentors of them.
I for one have had a number of mentors in my life people I've looked up
to and as I rose in stature and position I never sought mentorship, but rather
as mentioned just to be a good example.
As a leader I never asked anyone to do anything I hadn't done myself or
was willing to do. I showed by example
that conversation and work could be accomplished without cursing, recreation
could be enjoyed without drinking and getting drunk. That caring and patience weren't
weakness. How successful was I? Guess we'll see how many come to look me up
when they get to heaven.
Be the person you
want others to think you are and rest falls into place.